this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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