I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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