So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
