Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Welp...herpes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
