it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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