maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
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Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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