she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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