i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
