she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
