I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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