I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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