I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i drank out of a bidet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
