i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
