I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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