I just saw a hot homeless man
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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