When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
