I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
