Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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