there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
