Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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