i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
