I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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