Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
