were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
