we're chasing vodka with high fives
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize