I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
