Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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