i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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