You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
