Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
