I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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