i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
