He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
