party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
