I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
