if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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