DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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