Do vagina's smell?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
