It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
me + whiskey = a bad person
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
