Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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