we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
