this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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