you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and she was petting her beer can
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
