my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
