Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
there is glitter all over my balls
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