I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so let's talk penis.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
