Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
