Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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