i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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