just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
