I hate your face
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and i looked up. we had an audience...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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