New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
