plz talk dirty to me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
