I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
