just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
