So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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