i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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