so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
