FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
