i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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