I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
