now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your dad touched me again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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