That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
