I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
