So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
